Rebuilding Connection with Your Partner

If you want to rebuild a connection with your partner, the first step can be the hardest, particularly if you feel more like a college roommate than a lover. (Yes, I realize that some college roommates are or become lovers, but that’s the stuff of a different blog post!) The longer we're stuck in patterns in which we neglect romance and intimacy, the harder it can be to bridge the divide. But if you're reading this, you're willing to take the first step in rekindling the sparks that once drew you together and made you feel like spending a lifetime together.

Honesty

The longer we are together, the more we may take one another for granted. We might feel like we're living with a friend rather than a loved one, thus neglecting romance, intrigue, and intimacy.

One of the best ways to rebuild a connection with your partner is, to be honest about the changes in your relationship. Direct communication in a safe space will allow you to work through conflicts and learn more about what has created distance. Truth-telling creates an open flow of communication between you and your partner.

Honesty is essential in relationships because it contributes to physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. When we hide the truth of what troubles us, we release cortisol in the brain, which can negatively impact our memory and stress levels. In addition, when we aren't honest, stress reduces the number of white blood cells, which help our body fight off illness and disease.

Make time for non-defensive reconnection. Start by holding hands, making eye contact, and speaking what's on your heart. Use "I" statements and breathe deeply each time you feel yourself growing tense or becoming defensive.

Maybe you've lost connection based on being too busy - prioritizing other people, work, and family over your partner. Reconnect today by building trust from your truth-telling. The more practice you have together, admitting that you've fallen out of touch with one another, the easier it is to take the next step, which is to regain physical intimacy.

Physical touch

There are many ways to reconnect with your partner through physical touch. It's not just about sexual intimacy; physical contact is one of the most important things for a successful relationship. For example, if you've waited for the perfect time to give your partner a loving hug or kiss, then ask if it would be all right to embrace. This sweet gesture can help restore trust and connection. But don't stop there. If you want to make the most of your reconnection attempts, you'll need to go beyond physical touch.

Physical touch can be sexual, but it doesn't have to be erotic. It can be as simple as holding hands in a restaurant or sitting on your partner's lap while watching a movie. Physical touch is vital to emotional intimacy, but not all lovers enjoy it. One person may be a big fan of cuddling, holding, and other physical displays of love. Others might express their intimacy in different ways. Find a way to meet in the middle. Depending on the "love language" your partner uses, you may be able to land on a compromise or, at the very least, learn more about which of the five love languages they prefer.

Self-care

Self-care is a crucial component of a healthy relationship. While it may be challenging to implement, it's vitally important to your love relationship. It's essential to make time to care for yourself. Couples who practice self-care are more understanding and accepting of each other's needs. A healthy relationship can only thrive when both people are invested in their self-care.

Self-care can include a variety of activities that are pleasing to you. Including these self-care activities in a date night can help you understand what your partner enjoys while you also spend time together.

Date night rituals

Building a date night ritual with your partner can effectively rebuild your connection and strengthen your relationship. This practice involves specific times and events when you and your partner interact, which can be either informal or formal. The main goal of these activities is to increase intimacy and create shared meaning.

Many couples find it challenging to find the time to spend together due to our “always, on, always busy culture,” but a date night is essential for maintaining a strong and vibrant connection. Intimate kisses, regular romantic dinners, and activities that keep your relationship fresh can help stoke the fire. In addition, it can be fun to try new things together. According to the American Psychological Association, doing new things together helps you bond and prevents boredom. Ultimately, it can help you fall in love all over again. 

If planning things at night is an issue for you, you can make time during other parts of the day if time is an issue. For example, you can share what you did or didn't do that day. In addition, you can share your "highs" and "lows” from work. Sharing your day helps your partner better understand what goes on when you're not together, what stressors you might face, and what triggers most upsetting you. You can also ask your partner about their day to build closeness and connection.

Being kind to each other

One of the best ways to improve your relationship is by being kind to your partner. Being kind to your partner will help you both enjoy your connection again. In addition, being kind will help you communicate and acknowledge each other's wants and needs. When you do this, you'll be able to improve your relationship and maintain it over the long haul. And remember, being kind to others means that we also should practice loving-kindness with ourselves.

Addressing past hurts & grievances

Addressing past hurts and grievances (without blame, shame, or defensiveness) can be vital to rebuilding a connection with your partner. Rather than ignoring your hurt feelings, talk to your partner about them. Acknowledging the past is necessary so you can find a path forward. Unfortunately, sometimes couples have difficulty letting things from the past go. If this is your experience, our caring team at Next Stage Counseling can assist. Our couples coaching program supports couples yearning for more intimacy to amplify friendship and passion by turning up the volume on feelings of love and appreciation. With our helpful tools, coaching, and eye-opening quiz, we can help you not only address past hurts but also heal from them and grow stronger in your relationship.

Working towards goals

Setting goals for your relationship can be beneficial when it comes to improving communication, relationship health, and longevity. Ideally, these goals are specific and measurable. You can even break them down into more minor, more specific purposes. You and your partner should discuss your goals, dreams, and aspirations. This way, you will be able to help each other achieve them. You can also help each other overcome challenges that may occur. When you team together, you can help each other see potential barriers, blind spots, and obstacles that may get in the way of achieving your goals.

Make sure you have goals of your own, even if they are slightly different from your partner's. It's important to remember that a plan doesn't have to be difficult to reach, but it should make sense to you. Your partner should support and admire your goals and be excited about your accomplishments. As you commit fully toward your reconnection, you will see how easily the sparks can rekindle with positive, measurable goals.

Creating positive experiences

One of the most effective ways of rebuilding a connection with your partner is to focus on positive experiences like taking a class together, playing a board game, and holding hands in the park. Even attending an unusual event or comedy night can rekindle the romance. Maybe even returning to a favorite restaurant with pleasant memories of your courtship.

Making a plan for emotional care while you build upon new, exciting, and more connected experiences with your loved one is essential. Therapy (individual and couples) can support you and your loved one in building on past success as you make an even brighter, more connected future.